Slipping Away
by iknowwhatyouare
Summary: Sirius’ facade is slowly Slipping Away and only his friends and, surprisingly, Minerva McGonagall are the ones that try to help him.
1. Leaving Home

**Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter or anything else**

 **A/N: This story is mainly focused on Sirius Black, but the Marauders are all included anyway. Will contain angst or triggering topics so if you can't handle that then I don't recommend reading this story. Also I might have some of the dates wrong for the events in this story, but it's a story so what do you expect?**

 **Chapter 1**

Sirius looked out of the window of Number 12 Grimmauld Place. Everything had been getting to him lately. Every letter he got from his friends that had been discovered was thrown into the fire without a second look, he had lost the mirror so he couldn't talk to James at the moment, and Regulus was finally starting to become dark. He sighed and slammed the window shut. _Two more weeks in this hellhole and I can finally get back to Hogwarts._

It was a few minutes before Regulus opened the door, a solemn look on his face. That was the only expression he had lately.

"Dinner's ready." He said before walking out, leaving the door open much to Sirius' dislike.

He rolled his eyes and went downstairs. He hated this place. It was so cold, even on the hottest summer days when he had to wear a t-shirt he couldn't help but shiver. But when he got to dinner, the atmosphere seemed different. Not dramatically, but he felt something was off.

"Sit." Was all his father said.

Sirius complied, not wanting to anger his father, "What's wrong?"

"We didn't say that you could speak!" His mother shrieked, and Sirius jumped, not expecting to be shouted at so soon.

"We are having a meeting with the dark lord tomorrow. You are coming with us."

Sirius saw red. The idea of Voldemort being called a 'lord' even though he's murdered innocent people was bad enough, but being forced to actually see him in person just filled him with rage.

"I'm not going! I can't go!" He yelled, standing up.

His mother stood up too, but he had the advantage, being the taller one.

"You will not make an embarrassment of our noble house once again! You will come! You will whether you like it or not!"

A few hours later and Sirius found himself in bed, breathing heavily out of anger and disappointment. He had a cut right above the tip of his nose, and one across his left cheekbone, but they were fairly light slashes. There was a few deep gashes across his hand where his mother had gripped him so hard that her nails had dug into his skin. It was still aching the next day.

The were going to see Voldemort at 11AM, and it was already 10:30AM. He had to get out of there before it was too late. Suddenly he heard his name being called. Was he going crazy?

"Padfoot, Padfoot, Padfoot are you there? Padfoot!"

Was that James?

As he kept hearing his name, he used he sound to find his mirror, and low and behold, James was there.

"Padfoot! You haven't spoken to me all summer! What happened?"

"Look, I need to get out of here. Can I stay at yours for the rest of today, and then we'll be at Hogwarts in two weeks and- damn I don't know how I'm gonna get out of this place..."

"Why? What happened? Is everything alright?"

"My parents want me to meet him, James. I'm afraid I'll crack and do something stupid that will cost me my life if I go. I don't even want to see him anyway, he's a murderer-"

"Are you on about Voldemort?"

"Yeah, oh god James how am I gonna get out of here? I have 20 minutes now!"

"Wait there, I'll get my dad, he's really fast at riding on his broom. We can come and pick you up-"

"No James! I don't want to be a bother..."

"Don't be stupid, Pads, you're about to meet possibly the darkest wizard out there, the least he can do is get you out of it- DAD!"

"James!"

"DAD!"

The next 10 minutes happened in a blur. James' father came to his window and carried his trunk, and Sirius followed him back before his parents got suspicious of why he was taking so long to get ready.

"Mr Potter, you didn't have to do this..."

"Nonsense! You're basically a second son to me, Sirius. This was the least I could do!"

"Well, Thanks."

"No problem, now let's get back and we can settle down. How does that sound?"

"Great!"

Sirius was too ecstatic about what had just happened that he couldn't focus on one thing for more than 3 seconds. It was amazing! This was why he loved James' parents. When they finally arrived, Sirius saw James sat on a chair, and across the table was a girl with hazel eyes, platinum blonde thick hair, and cherry red lips. He didn't recognise her for a second, before- _Marlene?! What's she doing here?!_

"James, hi, um..." his eyes flickered to Marlene and James seemed to have got the message.

"Oh, the McKinnon's are staying round for dinner. They're our neighbors, I thought you'd been here enough times to know that and- what happened to your face?"

"I knew you were close but I didn't think you actually had dinner at each others houses kind of close..." Sirius muttered as he glanced at McKinnon once more.

"That doesn't- oh- Sirius that- never mind..." he shook his head exasperatedly.

"Her rings are really sharp." He answered finally.

Marlene didn't understand but James did, "damn that vile woman."

Sirius smiled and blinked his eyes a few times, getting rid of the blurriness. Anyway, how didn't James see that when he called him on the mirror?

"Do you need to lay down? You can stay in the guest room-"

"James I'm fine. Do you want a game of exploding snap?"

Marlene looked at him. This was a Sirius she didn't see at school. He was quiet and obviously wasn't as fine as he said he was. She didn't know much of his home life, but then again neither did most of the school it seemed. Maybe he wasn't treated like the king at home most people thought him to be.

"Lets do it Classical." James agreed and suggested.

"Okay, go get them then." Sirius ordered jokingly.

James came back a moment later with a pack of cards in his hand.

"Want me to keep score?" Marlene spoke up, causing them both to jump.

"Sure," Sirius said with his normal tone of voice again.

 _He's back to being the same_ , Marlene sighed to herself as she sat pretty much as far away as possible from them.

 **OoOoO**

James won.

"I totally let you win!"

"Yeah yeah, that's why you said, 'I'm gonna beat you!' at the start of the game!" James argued, and Sirius blushed.

"Yeah, well, oh yeah..." they both laughed.

It was moments like these where Marlene realised just how close they were. They were basically like brothers. Well, brothers that rarely argued and didn't have the same blood type brothers.

Later on that night, it was time for dinner. Sirius had told Mrs Potter that he didn't want anything to eat since he didn't want to be a bother and force her to go out and get more food. She had disagreed at first, initiating he at least have some of it, but he told her he wasn't hungry. The majority of the McKinnon's didn't even know he was there anyway and it would just be awkward for all of them.

As soon as he got up to the guest room he fell onto the bed and went right to sleep. He didn't even hear James calling him to ask if he was up for a ride around the garden on their brooms. The McKinnons had left about three hours ago and it was now 11PM. Sirius didn't even wake up until about 9AM, which was unusual as he usually got up early (well, earlier).

The next two weeks went by quickly. Sirius was the most happiest he'd been all summer when he'd heard the words, 'you're basically our son now, Sirius. Of course you can stay here at Christmas.' He nearly cried out of joy hearing those words, and James, sensing the tears, quickly tackled him to the ground in a bear hug to distract him.

During his first day of school as a seventh year now, he'd gotten a letter from his uncle with some pretty bad news, Narcissa had ended up in hospital because of Bellatrix when she'd avoided going to meet the dark lord. She hadn't gotten the dark mark like they all expected her to. Also, most of the family was invited over for a dinner to witness Sirius get blasted off of the family tree. His uncle was decent enough to not attend.

He wrote back a reply along the lines of ' _glad to be out of there', 'feel sorry for Cissy'_ and _'thanks for not going to see that',_ later in his dorm.

James walked in and slammed the door, sitting on his bed and yanking the curtains shut. Sirius shared a look with Remus. Peter was out doing 'other things'.

"James, what's wrong?"

"Snape is what's wrong!" He said angrily, "and Evans! God she's annoying."

This shocked the other two boys to no end. Sirius had choked on his own saliva.

"You- I- you called her annoying..."

"Well, she is! Snape called her a- the derogatory word for muggleborn, so I gave him detention, being head boy and all, and she had the _audacity_ to defend him and give me a detention and- URRGH!" He grabbed his hair and pulled on it, obviously stressed.

"I told you ages ago mate, she doesn't deserve you, yet you still go ahead and try to protect her..." Sirius told him.

"I would give anyone who said that a detention, and tell Dumbledore or someone, but... I'm just so angry."

"Do you want me to get you a glass of water?" Remus asked.

"Thanks, Moons." Remus got up and walked into the bathroom, grabbing a cup on the way.

"Honestly, you'd think a girl would be pleased that the _second_ most attractive guy in the school was chasing after her but apparently not." Sirius told him, and James couldn't help but smirk.

"You're not the one chasing after her, the most attra- I mean- I am." He said proudly, and Sirius swore he saw his friend's head physically increase.

The next day, James and Sirius had a talk.

"I don't get the attraction to her. She's nothing special, she hates you even when you defend her, I just don't get the appeal." Sirius said.

"I don't know, I just- there's something about her. Maybe if I stop even looking at her I'll get over her..."

"I hope you do Prongsie boy, anyway, we should get to class. Transfiguration first, then... Arithmancy."

"Damn. Okay, let's go."

So for the rest of the day Lily Evans felt different. She hadn't felt anything wrong at first, but when she noticed that there weren't any occurrences with Potter, she knew something was up. He was probably just too distracted with some huge prank.


	2. Rising To Power

**Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter or anything else**

 **A/N: this chapter will include mentions of deaths/death eaters/dark marks/voldemort/and yada yada yada : enter at your own risk**

 **Chapter 2**

Three weeks into the semester and the teachers were already giving the seventh year students a hard time. Tests, tests, tests, 'Detention! You're not looking at page 439!', tests and more tests.

The sudden sound of a quill dropping on the table from none other than James Potter startled the students out of their dream world during History of Magic. They were writing a 13 inch essay on why Magic was important, 'during class of all times and places', and James had been the first one to finish. As soon as they were finished all they had to do was put their essay on his desk in a pile and enjoy the spare few minutes they had of no class. Remus was next, then some other Gryffindors, a few Slytherins, Sirius, the rest of the Slytherins, Peter, and finally the other Gryffindors.

"Guys, this is awesome, we have a free period now!" James said excitedly.

He didn't notice the sad eyes of Lily Evans that were watching him. If she was being honest, she missed not having him nag her everyday to go out with him. Marlene tugged on her arm.

"Come on Lils, we have to get to Herbology." She reminded her, pulling her through the corridor filled with pupils of all years.

Herbology, a lesson she's wished she'd dropped like the Marauders had.

Sirius had, of course, noticed Lily staring at James, and he didn't approve of it. He'd never liked Lily, well, not until third year where she'd pushed James in the lake and screamed at him to 'be with his own kind', signaling to the giant squid. It surprised him, he didn't think the girl had that much rage and confidence in her. The marauders didn't speak of that moment, however.

Maybe he'll confront her about this later, now wasn't the time to dwell on things like that.

"We can go and relax in the common room, anyway, dinners after this period." Remus said matter-of-factly.

"Great plan, Moony." Sirius said as he sped up to the Gryffindor tower, daring them to race him.

They all did, and they all lost.

"Ha!" He said happily, pointing a shaky finger at them as he tried to control his breathing, "you can't outrun me!"

"You had a headstart!" James argued.

"Not by a mile!" Sirius argued back, smiling.

Later on while James was serving yet another detention Sirius found this was the perfect time to talk to Lily.

"No Pads, you're not going to tell Lily to stop staring at James. She can do what she wants." Remus reasoned, apparently to deaf ears.

"I just want to protects Prongs, I'll be back in a bit."

"I'm sure Prongs wants Lily to stare at him. He is sappy like that."

Sirius thought about it for a moment. He wanted his best friend to be happy, of course, his friend was head boy and he had to do his duties with Lily, but James hadn't even cared about that. Perhaps he'd finally gotten over his huge world wide known crush.

"But Rem, James doesn't like Lily anymore. He never talks to her, doesn't even look at her..."

"How do you know he isn't just trying to hide that fact that he still likes her?"

"How do _you_ know that he hasn't actually got a crush on her anymore?"

Remus rolled his eyes.

"Just leave it until later, yeah? It's too early to cause a commotion."

"Okay."

 **OoOoO**

It was time for them all to go to sleep. Sirius woke up around 2AM, the thunder outside making him jump in his sober state. He heard the rain padding against the windows. _Is it already the end of summer?_ He thought bitterly.

He walked downstairs into the common room quietly, not wanting to wake anyone up. Then, he lit up a cigarette that kept him occupied for the next half an hour.

Footsteps.

 _Shit_ , he cursed to himself. He tried to make himself as invisible and quiet as he could, but to no avail. The person spotted him.

"Who's there?" That was Evans' voice.

"Evans? What are you doing up?"

"I could ask you the same Black."

"The rain kept me up." He said eventually, and silently prodded Lily to say why she was up.

"I just couldn't sleep."

"Anyway, Lils, you're just the person I needed to talk to. Do you like James?" He asked.

Lily was dumbfounded. Where on earth had that came from?

"What?! I- well- I guess we're better than we used to. We don't talk anymore..."

"You didn't answer my question."

"No!"

"I'll take that as a yes-"

"Look, Sirius. Why are you asking me this? Me and James are through. He doesn't even speak to me while we do our duties together, unless he's telling me to go down the other corridor or something. Do you know why he doesn't talk to me anymore?"

"Well, I'm pretty sure he's gotten over you. I mean you're always rejecting him, and the reason I asked is because I noticed you keep staring at him."

"I do not!" She tried to justify herself but she knew it was no use.

"Yeah yeah," he smirked, "Well, if you ever realise you do have a crush on James, I can help you."

"Wait!" She said as he was walking back up to his dorm, "I... I think maybe that..." she couldn't believe she wa showing to tell _Sirius_ if all people this, "I think I do like James. But he doesn't even look at me anymore, what changed? That's the only thing I want to know."

"He thought he didn't deserve you. What changed was that you gave him a detention for giving Snape a detention when he called you-" he stopped himself, "but then you gave James a detention for 'picking on him'."

"I was angry- I-"

"So you decided to take it out on the one person that tried to help you? If you ask me, I personally don't think _you_ deserve _him_ but I will help you. I'll just convince him that he likes you."

"Sirius?"

"Yeah?"

"Thanks."

"Don't mention it. I'll speak to you tomorrow."

 **OoOoO**

The next day the school was gloomy. It wasn't until Remus read them the newspaper that they understood why.

Sirius noticed Remus' face pale, "What's wrong Moony?"

"Moony?" James asked when he didn't answer.

Peter looked over his shoulder and read the newspaper.

"'Body found. Seventh year Ravenclaw student of Hogwarts, Holly Admiral, was found at the bottom of Red Water lake in her hometown Manchester with her throat slit and several stab wounds to the chest.'" He paused, "They couldn't get sufficient enough evidence because the knife found near her had been in the water and the fingerprints washed off."

The other three shared a look mixed between horror and sadness. They knew Holly Admiral had been one of Remus' other friends as well as in that girl group in Ravenclaw. They, obviously, had been excused of classes for the rest of the day.

"I'll tell the teachers you don't feel well if you need to lay down in the dorm." Sirius told him as he felt pity for Remus.

"It's okay, Sirius. We need to learn to deal with- you know." He said, his throat closing up already, "Thanks, though."

They all hugged Remus tightly when they stood outside of class before it started, successfully making him feel better.

"Don't worry about it, Rem." Sirius whispered to him as they walked into class, and he couldn't help but feel grateful that he had such great friends.

Sirius pushed away the fact that he knew Remus had avoided reading out that Bellatrix was a confirmed suspect of the killing. He'd read the rest of it when Remus had dropped it in shock. Voldemort was riding to power and there was nothing they could do to stop it.


	3. ‘Im Such A Failure’

**Warning: this will contain a little bit of jily flirting enjoy/ also more talk about death but JILY may or may not happen this chapter read to find out k thanks**

 **Warning 2: you might die of cuteness because of the jily ️**

 **Warning 3: angsty as FRICK my guys**

 **Chapter 3**

Lily couldn't sleep. Tossing and turning, Marlene had finally had enough. Unlike her friend, Marlene actually was tired and wanted a good nights sleep for a transfiguration exam tomorrow.

"Lily would you stop it!" She exclaimed, waking up another girl in their dorm, Mary.

"I can't sleep. Holly didn't deserve to die."

Even in the dark Lily could feel Marlene's general presence soften, "Oh Lils. Don't dwell on that sort of stuff. Holly had a great life, no she didn't deserve to die but- well, at least she's in a better place now, where war doesn't exist, where she can be in peace..."

Lily was surprised by her friend sometimes. She was usually loud and vibrant and sometimes just plain nasty, but she had a soft side she only saved for select few people.

"Thanks Marls."

"Now _sleep_ ," Mary said exasperatedly into her pillow, causing the other two to laugh.

Meanwhile in the boys' dorm, "James, I think you should start talking to Lily again." Sirius told him.

Remus choked on his water, Peter fell out of bed and James nearly spilled ink all over the parchment he was using to write his parents.

"You what?" He asked, thinking he hadn't heard correctly.

"You. Lily. Talk. Do you remember how to talk to her?" He asked in a fake-seriousness that was scarily convincing.

"Of course I do, you- but why? _You_ were the one that told me to _stop_ talking to her because she didn't deserve me! What changed?"

Sirius felt a hint of deja vu at the question, "Lily did." He said simply, smiling, "I think you two would be cute together."

"Sod off. She did me dirty and _now_ she wants me?"

"Well, all of those years lusting for her would be wasted if you didn't do something about it."

"Well she is pretty...-"

"That's the spirit, Prongsie! We can hang out with her and her girl group tomorrow and you can spend some time with her!"

"Where is all this coming from? Was it from the talk you had with her?" Remus asked.

"What talk?" James said suspiciously.

"Oh er..." he pretended to yawn, "welp I'm off to bed see you tomorrow." He said quickly, avoiding any confrontation.

"Get your ass out of that bed right now Padfoot!" James yelled jokingly, pulling him to the ground with a thud.

"I talked to her about... if she likes you and she kind of said yes and now I'm helping her." Sirius smiled that shit eating grin of his and crawled back into bed, "night!"

"She _really_ likes _me_ ?!"

James shook his head and looked towards Remus, "that boy never fails to surprise me."

Remus agreed.

 **OoOoO**

The next week on Monday at breakfast everyone was shook. Molly was nowhere to be seen since Sunday for some reason, Arthur seemed melancholy, and everyone was talking about the twins.

"Everyone just keeps dying..." Remus whispered, who was sat next to Sirius that day.

"Who?" Sirius was now sad and surprised, as well as James and Peter.

Remus handed him the newspaper.

"'Prewett Twins dead at the hands of five of Voldemort's death eaters. They were brutally murdered on Saturday afternoon while on a mission for the order. Suspects: Rodolphus Lestrange, Lucius Malfoy,'" Sirius paused at a certain name that was on there yet again, and Remus noticed his eyes widen for a split second, "Well there's around 9 suspects... 'quote, they fought like heroes'."

"I feel so bad for Molly and her family..." Peter said after a moment of silence.

"Same here, Pete. Hey, we should make her feel better, or at least try. We could buy her some chocolate or..."

"The thought is nice, James, but I'm sure she wants to be alone judging by the fact that nobody has seen her since Sunday morning."

"Maybe in a few weeks or something." He suggested.

"Yeah, I'm sure she likes mostly everything from Honeydukes, we could get her the most expensive one..." Sirius smiled.

"Just remember the idea. She'd be so happy about it." Remus said, really wanting Molly to feel better.

The rest of the week carried on as normal. It was a bit quiet but people soon stopped and decided that mourning wasn't going to help anyone at all, and just keep people feeling sad.

It was a Friday and Molly was sat down with Lily, Mary, Dorcas, Marlene and a girl named Cam. The Marauders came over and sat next to them like they had yesterday, except Molly wasn't there yesterday.

While the others were preoccupied, Remus talked to Molly.

"We bought you some chocolate to try and make you feel better, hold on." He reached into the bag that all four of them had shared in Hogsmeade, and pulled out a box filled with mini chocolates. Attached to it was a little thin cardboard letter that read _For: Molly, hope you're feeling a little better about what happened. With Love: Marauders_.

"Aw..." was all she could say before a tear escaped her eye once again, "thank you..."

"Don't mention it, shall we go over to the others now?"

"Y-yeah." She sniffed and walked beside him to the other side of the common room where the others were.

"Well Lily, long time no talk." James said finally.

"Yeah, well... you haven't asked me out for a while-"

"Do you want me to?" James asked, raising his eyebrows suggestively.

Sirius mentally facepalmed. His best friend was about to blow this oppurtunity. Until Lily just blushed and said 'maybe'.

"Let's go somewhere more private to discuss this." Lily whispered, a raging blush on her face.

"Guys, we'll be right back. We have to do some... head duties." James said with a smirk.

Sirius laughed at the obvious sex joke but the others didn't seem to catch it.

 **OoOoO**

"Lily?" James asked.

They were in a corridor. Alone. Nobody to disrupt.

"Yeah?" She replied quietly, seemingly embarrassed.

"Will you go out with me?" He grabbed her hand lightly.

This was a different James. He wasn't screaming the question across the Great hall. He was being respectful. He was being... a gentleman, almost. She responded happily.

He leaned in and Lily put a hand on his face. Their lips finally met and they shared their first kiss. He squeezed her hand a little harder and then he finally pulled away.

"Lily?"

"Yeah, James?"

"That was amazing." He said with a smile.

"It sure was!"

She pulled him back in and he went along with it. The feeling of kissing her after years of rejection was like being high for the first time and feeling happy and content. It was calming and exciting all at once. Until she pulled away.

"We should get back to the others. They'll be wondering where we are."

"You're right."

He grabbed her hand and held it all the way to the common room.

"Finally." Marlene, signalling to James and Lily's hand holding, muttered to Sirius who let out a giggle-like noise and watched as James let go of her hand.

"Guys, we have an announcement." James said dramatically.

They thought nobody saw their kiss. _Thought._ As Severus Snape hid behind the corner of the corridor, he felt his heart break. She'd fallen for Potter. He would never have a chance now.

 **OoOoO**

The Marauders and the girls kept James and Lily's relationship private, and not a such a big deal. Of course they held hands a few times in the corridor and some people noticed, but they didn't feel the need to make it such a big thing around the school.

"You guys are so cute." Sirius said in a way too fake girly, high voice as he walked up behind the couple, successfully making them jump.

They had just been in a deep conversation and some point throughout Lily had rested her head on James' shoulder.

"Padfoot- I- sod off!" James blushed, and Sirius just laughed at him.

Lily just giggled at James' antics.

"I just came to tell you that McGonagall wanted to speak to you guys about something. She said that someone had vandalised the prefects bathroom."

"Oh, well, thanks. What does she want us to do about it though?"

"Oh, I don't know James. Maybe find out who vandalised it?" Sirius replied sarcastically.

"Alright alright geez!"

"Aight bye guys," he said and ran back to the castle, only god knows what he was doing.

Sirius had an encounter with his little brother, Regulus. His friends were there also, Snape, and two other little twats he couldn't remember the names of. Snape was first, shoving his wand into the back of Sirius' neck, eyes filled with rage.

"Look, whatever I did to you, I didn't do or didn't mean to-"

"Don't be such an imbecile, Black." It was then that he noticed his little brother was just stood there watching.

Regulus' eyes looked haunted. Something had happened, and he didn't want to tell Sirius about it.

"What then?" He asked but it sounded more like a statement.

"Lily and Potter. Why is Lily with Potter?"

"Wow. You're obsession has made you so deranged that you still have to stalk her every second of the day? Just let the girl live, Snivelly. You messed up, you lost your chance. As if she would ever even go near you now anyway. She must've realised how much of a grease ball you ar-"

His wand had somehow made it to the front of Sirius' throat, and he decided to prod it even harder.

"Why is Lily with Potter." He asked again, with much more violence in his tone then before.

"Maybe because she loves him. Do you know what real love is, Snivellus? No, I guess not, because your version of love is stalking and obsessing. James treats her like a Queen. You treat her like dirt, especially since you've joined with Voldemort."

"I do not! _Flipendo_!"

" _Impedimenta_!"

Since there were no teachers around to stop them, they carried on. The others must've left during their argument because they were nowhere to be seen while hexes and jinxes were being thrown.

" _Sectumsempra_!" Snape yelled and slashed from the corner of Sirius' jaw to the bridge of his nose.

This stopped Sirius for a second, the pain settling in before he remembered he was in a fight.

" _Impedimenta,_ uh, _Leviocorpus_!" Sirius yelled.

" _Liberacorpus,_ " Snape muttered, and his levitated body fell to the ground.

"Uh- oh yeah!" He cast the bat bogey hex just before Snape attempted to jinx him but Severus put up a shield just in time before the hex hit him.

Just as Sirius was about to jinx Snape again, they were both disarmed.

"What on _earth_ has been going on here?!" Professor McGonagall had screamed, and a few students had chosen just that time to walk down the corridor, only to run away when they heard her screech.

"Sni- Severus was being selfish and creepy, he said he was going to break up James and Lily!"

"I did not say that!"

"That doesn't give you the right to send jinxes towards him-"

"Miss, he was the one who threw the first jinx, not me."

A painting that witnessed the fight had supported Sirius with this point.

McGonagall thought this over, "both of you, detention. Mr Snape, you have lost 60 points for your house. Now both of you, just- leave each other alone and get yourselves cleaned up. Mr Black, I suggest you see Madame Pomfrey about that cut on your face. Now both of you, go."

"Yes professor." They both said in unison and went their separate ways.

"My my, Black, what happened to your face?" Pomfrey asked as she started to disinfect the cut.

"I got hexed, I think. It was a spell I don't know. But it cut me."

"Yes well I can see that." She performed a few healing spells but it was stubborn and wouldn't completely go away. It still looked raw.

"It must've been dark magic. It's a stubborn one. Tell me, what was the incantation said, I must look it up."

"Popsicle, I'm pretty sure it's not a registered-"

"Tell me, Black. And don't call me Popsicle. It's Poppy for you, or Madame Pomfrey."

"I'm not sure, Poppy. It was something like... _Sectermsentura_ , you know I'm not good with words. I can barely read, you know."

"Well no I didn't know that. Thank you, anyway. I'll report it to Professor Dumbledore. And for now, take care of that cut. I will put a bandaid on it to protect it from infection."

 **OoOoO**

The rest of the day was pretty boring for Sirius. His friends were nowhere to be found. He was secretly glad because he didn't want any of them to see his face right now. They'd ask to many questions and he just wasn't in the mood for it. Just then an owl knocked on his window. He recognised it to be his Uncle Alphard's owl.

 _To Sirius,_

 _I just got news from Andromeda that she's pregnant and she wants you to visit her soon, preferably after she's had her baby so you can see the baby too. She hasn't been to a mediwitch soon but she's certain it's a little girl. I'll be there too._

 _Onto some pretty bad news. I just got word from that father of yours that Regulus got given the dark mark. I'm sorry you had to find out through a letter. I hope you can just forget about that and focus on the good, but I figured I should tell you._

 _Anyways, has anything good happened at school this year so far? I'm quite curious._

 _Love your favourite uncle, Alphard._

Sirius' stomach dropped. Regulus had the dark mark. Regulus. Had. The. Dark. Mark. He'd failed as a brother. He wasn't there enough in Regulus' life and look what happened.

"I'm such a fucking failure." He whispered, and walked into the bathroom.

"I'm such a fucking failure!" He repeated, this time louder, as he stared at his reflection.

He splashed some water onto his face and looked back up. He started thinking about som of his memories with Regulus.

 _He was five and his brother was three. "Regulus, mudblood is a bad word, Andy said. So don't say it."_

" _But mummy and daddy say it all the time and they're not bad!"_

" _Hm, yeah you're right. Andy must be the baddy then..."_

" _Mummy and daddy call Andy blood traitor. Siri what's a blood traitor?"_

 _"I think it when you like mudbloods."_

" _Andy bad."_

I'm such a failure," Sirius whispered as he recalled another memory.

 _He was twelve and his brother was ten._

" _Reg, muggleborns are no different than the rest of us. Their family history is just a little different, that's all."_

" _But their blood is impure."_

 _"We bleed red blood and so do they, they're really not different to us at all."_

 _"Mum and dad calls them mudbloods because their blood is dirty. Don't you agree with them?"_

 _"Of course not. They're wrong. Even ask uncle Alphard."_

 _"I believe you Sirius, you are my brother after all." He smiled a toothy grin which Sirius returned._

"Where did I go wrong?" He asked himself.

 _He was fiteen, his brother was thirteen._

 _"You lied to me. All my friends say mudbloods are bad and dirty. They're not worthy of being wizards at all."_

 _"Regulus!"_

 _"It's true though, isn't it. Filthy mudbloods and halfbloods and halfbreeds and, god how do you survive as a Gryffindor?"_

 _"Your friends are wrong. Our parents are wrong. Our family is wrong-"_

 _"Oh really? It's about a hundred words against yours. I hate you, Sirius."_

 _His heart shattered._

"What did I do? What could I have done?"

 _He was sixteen, his brother was fourteen._

 _"Reg?"_

 _His brother looked straight into his eyes and then just walked away without even a second look. Sirius had lost him._

"Fuck!" He yelled, but it came out more of a strangled sob.

He looked at his reflection one last time before he shattered the mirror with his fist and cried for the first time in ages. Like, really _cried_.

He walked back in the dorm after a few minutes and looked at the letter he'd left on his bed, then ripped it. No, ripped wasn't the right word. He basically shredded it. His hand stung from the shards of glass stuck in it and the cuts that littered it also.

Maybe he should go to the Hospital Wing. Yeah, he'd go to the hospital wing. He'd always avoided it the past few years, but Poppy wasn't all that bad if you talked to her, she made the visit almost amusing as she would just fuss over you constantly but drop potions on the floor and accidentally curse but- this was serious. He might pass out from all the bleeding.

He headed out of the dorm and kept his head down, and his hand hidden.

When he finally reached the hospital wing he could've sworn Poppy rolled her eyes.

"Second time today, Black."

"I know, but," he signalled to his basically ruined hand, and she gasped.

"What happened? Was it that curse again? Who did it?"

"No, no, no! I uh, my hand slipped onto the mirror and uh, well this happened."

"Your hand slipped?" She raised an eyebrow, but there was worry in her cocoa coloured eyes.

"Ehm..." he looked down sheepishly.

"Mr Black, why would you do that?" She asked softly.

"Well, I just had one of my... moments. It was a one off, now can you please help my hand? It's kind of hurting a lot."

"Oh yes, of course. I apologise."

His hand was soon healed and he headed back to the common room. He hadn't seen his friends since the encounter with Snape and he just wanted to relax.

When he reached his dorm, he was met with looks. You know, the looks that you say 'why are you looking at me like that?' kind of looks.

"What's that on your face?" Remus eventually asked, and Sirius' eyes widened.

"Oh yeah, uh, I got cut, somehow."

"And why could Pomfrey just use a healing spell and have it be gone (thot: I'm sorry)?"

"It won't go away. 'It's a stubborn one' she said." The others exchanged looks but said nothing.

 **A/N I love this story that's why I'm updating it like everyday haha stop judging me :)**


	4. Truth Or Dare

**A/N I'm so dumb haha my first chapter where Regulus is 15 I said he's 'finally starting to become dark' yet my last chapter he had fully became dark through the influence of his friends and family at age 14... so that's that I guess. Ignore that mistake please haha xD**

 **A/N 2/ I make so many mistakes in my writing so if anyone ever reads this don't even bother to comment if some of my writing makes no sense haha (also this is technically an A/N because _it's a fanfiction_ so there's that as well). **

**On with the story!**

 **Chapter 4**

James woke up with a pillow to his head, it hit him hardly. He burrowed under the covers and felt the pillow continuously whack his poor, poor body.

"G'way!"

"Time for transfiguration, James. You slept through breakfast." He could hear the smile in Sirius' voice.

"I can't concentrate when I'm hungry!" He cried.

"Well, that's your problem isn't it." Sirius laughed.

"You could've woke me up!"

"We tried. You were out like a broken light..."

James bullied himself out of bed, brushed his teeth, got dressed in a rush and forgot to brush his hair at all.

"I forgot something..." James said from behind Sirius.

He looked behind him to see that James wasn't wearing his glasses! What an idiot.

"Can you even see clearly?"

"Oh yeah! My glasses!"

Sirius facepalmed as he watched his friend run back to the dorm. James wasn't the brightest of people he'd ever met, if he was being completely honest. As they entered the classroom, McGonagall was midway through a lecture and, being interrupted, glared at the two who entered late.

"Ah, Mr Black, I'll need to have a talk with you later."

"What for, Professor?" Sirius asked, knowing he hadn't done anything particularly wrong.

"Meet me at 6 o'clock sharp. Anyways," she carried on with her lecture and Sirius took a seat, looking more confused than ever. Remus noticed his facial expression and snickered, causing Sirius to smack him jokingly.

Sirius did as she said and met McGonagall in her office, of course, he was 5 minutes late.

"Black, take a seat." She said, and Sirius was concerned, there was a softness in her eyes he rarely saw.

"What's wrong, Minnie?" He asked, surprised she didn't say anything about her nickname.

"Madame Pomfrey has informed me of an incident yesterday-"

Sirius paused, he was such an idiot. He didn't ask her to not tell anybody, of course she would've told somebody else.

"-which caused your hand to be in quite a, well a mess, I suppose..."

"Well I-um... I just got too caught up in the bad, I didn't even think about the good things."

What he didn't expect was for McGonagall to secretly be a therapist, "Care to tell me what happened? Maybe I can help you."

He felt hesitant at first. Was he really about to tell his teacher, of all people, his problems he had at home? She'd known him ever since he was a toddler, sure. She'd known him when he used to be brainwashed into being like his family, she'd been through it all, really. Then he thought 'fuck it, what's there to lose?'

"Well, it's complicated." He started, then sighed, "Regulus." He said simply.

"Regulus?"

"It's as if I lost my only brother. He's like them now."

McGonagall looked at him for a while, trying to figure out what emotion he was feeling, but his body posture was normal and his face was blank, staring at the floor.

"How do you feel about that?"

"How do you expect I'll feel? Awful. I tried to change him but apparently my parents tried harder." He said bitterly, kicking the desk, "I was too caught up that I even forgot to congratulate Andy- Andromeda on her baby."

McGonagall wracked her mind trying to remember Andromeda. Of course she remembered her in general and what she looked like but she didn't remember any specific details like her personality. It slowly came back to her. She was also an outcast to her family, marrying Ted Tonks from Hufflepuff.

"Professor, why did you really call me here?" He asked suspiciously.

If she was being honest, she was a little curious as to why Sirius would smash a mirror, but deep down in her heart she felt something for the poor boy, almost a sympathetic/pity but not kind of feeling at the same time.

"I just thought I'd check up on you, as I would with any other student."

"Hm." He didn't buy it, and she knew it, "well, is it okay if I go back now?"

"Of course Mr. Black, and if you want, you can meet me here the same time tomorrow, but the choice is yours."

Sirius was just confused more than anything.

 **OoOoO**

Meanwhile in the boys' dorm, "my guys who's up for a game of truth or dare?" James asked, obviously bored.

"James, were not five year olds." Remus rolled his eyes, in one of his moods.

It was nearing that time of month.

"Oh well, this will be more fun, look what I got~" he pulled out two bottles of fire whiskey from his trunk, "dad gave them to me before we left and I completely forgot. He told me to 'have fun' so why don't we?"

Peter agreed, and although Remus was hesitant he did want to take his mind off of the upcoming full moon.

As James explained the rules, the other two listened intently, "basically, you get asked truth or dare, and if you don't do it, you take a shot of fire whiskey. We shouldn't get too drunk before Sirius comes back, though, or drunk at all, actually..."

"Fine... who's starting?" He asked.

"Me first! Remus, truth or dare?" James asked.

"Truth."

"Okay... I'll start mildly, when did you last go on a date with somebody?"

Remus visibly blushed and James smirked, and Peter just watched with bored eyes as he waited for his own turn, "last week." He finally said quietly.

"Excuse me _wHaT_?!" James screeched like a teenage girl with one of her girlfriends.

He jumped on Remus and pinned him to the floor so that he couldn't escape, "Who? Why? Where? Was it a guy or a girl?"

Remus pushes him off almost violently, "I'm not telling you, I'm not telling you, Hogsmeade, and it was a girl, obviously. It's as if you think I'm gay, sometimes."

"Well, Rem, if you'd tell us about your 'encounters' then we'd stop." James simply smiled.

"I don't kiss and tell," he answered smartly, "now it's my turn, Peter, truth or dare?"

"Dare." He answered quickly.

"I dare you to..." he looked around the dorm, "squirt three whole tubes of toothpaste in Sirius' bed, but don't tell him, obviously."

"But what if he gets mad?" He asked almost frantically.

"Then, I'll say I did it." James said proudly, wanting to take credit for the prank.

After he was done, he sat back down in the circle.

"James, truth or dare?"

"Maybe truth, I haven't done truth in like 10 million years."

"Umm... if your ideal girl was standing right in front of you, would you cheat on Lily with her?"

James was taken aback at the question, clearly underestimating Peter's truth or dare skills, "No, because Lily _is_ my ideal girl." He grinned, "Remus-"

"Truth."

"Geez you're no fun-" as Remus was about to object James quickly spoke over him, "who did you go on the date _with_?"

Remus drank his shot, surprising the other two, "if it turns into an actual relationship then I'll tell you."

"Peter, truth or dare?"

"Truth."

James rolled his eyes but they both ignored him, "Okay... who do you have a crush on right now?"

Instead of drinking his shot like they expected, he almost silently stuttered, "M-M-Marlene... Marlene McKinnon."

James laughed, "Pete's going for the _big_ girls," to which Remus slapped his arm.

"I'm sure she wouldn't like us talking about her measurements like that, you know." He said seriously, but James' laughter was too contagious and he started to giggle a little.

"I can't help who I like!" He burst out.

The other two shut up.

"It's not that it- it's ithahaha," James started laughing, and so did Remus.

After quite a few (hundred, joke joke) shots they were both a little bit tipsy, and Peter hadn't drank any so Remus and James finished his shot together.

Just then Sirius came in, and he sighed. His friends drunk was not something that was that great. They usually broke things and did stupid stuff and then regret it in the morning. What was worse was that they didn't even invite him to whatever drinking game they played!

As they were all getting into bed, Sirius felt something sticky.

" _GUYS I SWEAR TO GOD YOU ARE ALL GOING TO FUCKING DIE RIGHT HERE RIGHT NOW- NO GET YOUR ASS BACK HERE JAMES AND GIVE ME YOUR BED I AM NOT SLEEPING IN THAT_!" Could be heard echoing through the Gryiffindor tower, as well as a few screams and laughs.

 **Boi I haven't updated this in like 69 years I'm sorry but I was on holiday anyway I'm back now so I'm updating again yassss.**


	5. I’m A Monster

**A/N I have no inspiration except my insanely fucked up corrupted mind so... :)**

 **WARNING: mentions of depression on Remus' part :(**

 **Chapter 5**

Remus woke up to a migraine feeling in his head. It wasn't as bad as an actual one but the hangover did a good job of being bad enough itself. He felt sorry for James already, knowing he had drunk a lot more. All the memories came back in a rush, and thankfully, he remembered he hadn't told the others about who his date was. He looked over at Sirius' stripped bed. It was empty because it needed to all be washed, so he was sharing with James. They were cuddled in together, but he wasn't surprised as it was a cold night. Peter must've fallen off his bed during the night and not noticed because he lay on the floor with his quilt tangled around him.

There was a hangover potion on the side of Remus' bed, and one by James. There was a note.

'Think you'll be needing this, -Sirius.'

He couldn't help but smile to himself. Sirius could be so caring at times even if there was toothpaste in his bed because of us. He drank the potion, which tasted vile (hehe puns sorry bye) mind you, and got ready for the day, which was Saturday. The full moon was tomorrow, and he could tell without looking at his moon chart as he felt a bone deep ache. He closed his eyes and took a deep breath, willing for the pain to subdue. It did, a little, which was fine.

"Remus?" He heard Sirius' groggy voice and saw his eyes were in slits and the sun shone right into them.

"Hmm?"

"Why are you up? It's 4:49 in the morning. Are you mental?"

"I was woken up, because... y'know, tomorrow, it's already starting to hurt. Anyway, the real question is why are you up?"

"You, being really loud. Try to get some sleep it might make you feel better."

"Okay, goodnight... well, morning."

"Good morning."

 **OoOoO**

The Marauders were hanging out with Lily and her friends; Marlene, Alice, Dorcas, Mary, and Cam. They had become friends when James and Lily started going out. It was almost as if it was all meant to be.

"So Lily," Marlene started, "if you're going to Hogsmeade with James next weekend, then I guess you won't be able to come with us."

"Who says we can't all go together?"

"Well, that is a point..."

"Exactly."

"I was going to go with Frank..."

"Well, invite Frank too, infact, why doesn't he hang out with us?" Marlene asked.

"He has his own friends, like... Alice who's he friends with?" Dorcas asked.

"Uh let's see... Samuel Williams, Darren Harvey, that's about it, actually."

"Well we'll invite them too-"

"Marlene we can't have 13 of us just parading around." Sirius cut in with a smile.

"Wanna bet? There aren't any rules-"

"No, I mean like people will be staring at us like 'oh dear god'."

"People do that with you all the time." She joked.

"Cold, McKinnon, my heart is shattered." He places a hand on his chest.

"Oh you'll live." She laughed.

While the others were in conversation, none of them noticed Peter looking at the two wishing he could be Sirius. He was so smooth in talking to anyone, he barely ever stuttered or made a fool of himself. For once, he was upset about his inability to talk like a normal person.

"So McKinnon, how do you think this whole Jily thing will work out?" Sirius asked.

"I think it'll go pretty well. I mean it was last year when Lily finally admitted to herself that she liked James, so who knows?"

"Was it really that long ago?"

"Yeah, I can't believe she didn't just say yes to his offers."

"Bit stupid, really." Sirius agreed.

They tuned into He conversation the others were having, blissfully unaware of Peter still staring at them. Remus and Dorcas we're having a conversation between themselves, so Pete, James, Lily, Mary, Alice and Cam were all talking, well, Pete wasn't really involved as he was too busy staring at McKinnon.

"I did not pour glue on Frank in fifth year!" Cam defended herself, knowing Alice would be upset.

"Cameron Allison, you cheeky little liar!" Marlene cut in, laughing.

Sirius watched her laugh. The way her mouth was open enough to show her white teeth, and her lips coated in a nude pink lipstick. Her eyes closed tightly and her mascara covered eyelashes long and dark but not too long. The bluey-hazel colour of her eyes as she reopened them to see Cam glaring at her and Alice glaring at Alice, just to laugh again. And- wait, why is he watching her? He quickly looked away, not wanting to seem creepy like Snivellus.

Somehow the conversation drifted to dating.

"I'm dating Lily, and Alice is dating Frank, Remus is dating a secret girl-"

"Hold on, when? What? Who?" Sirius asked, and James remembered he wasn't there last night.

"Last night, he said he went on a date with a girl last week and then we asked and he was his old secrety self like 'I dOnT kIsS aNd TeLl'" he looked at Remus, not noticing Dorcas giggling beside him, "I bet she's a nerd too."

"She is not!" Remus said quickly, his cheeks becoming flamingly red, "I-she... go away!" He said exasperatedly, and the others laughing at him.

Sirius side-hugged him, "Oh Remus, I'll tell them to stop being such meanies to poor wittle Remy." Which caused them to laugh even more and for Remus to shove him off.

"Well who are you dating, huh Sirius? You haven't went out with anyone this whole year and we've been here for, what, 4 months now?"

"I've just... not dated, s'all."

"Definitely." Lily muttered.

Sirius glared, "actually, I haven't. Last year I was just desperate to make James date other girls by dating them and introducing them to him because he was too hung up with you. Didn't work, though, obviously."

James grinned, "it all worked out for me in the end, Pads."

"What about you Pete? Have your eye on anyone?" Sirius asked, and James and Remus both glanced towards Marlene, giggling.

"N-no. I don't."

"Ugh, boringggg."

"Hey- you don't like anyone right now either." Marlene told him.

"Oh well, I like knowing other people's... crushes, I guess. It's funny when they get rejected," he motioned to James, and whacking him on the arm.

"Shit, what's the time?"

"Uhhh, 5:48, why?" James asked.

"I have to be in McGonagall's office at 6, I'll see you all later." Sirius said as he got up and swiftly walked out of the common room.

"What for now?" Remus asked.

"Maybe the same as yesterday..." Peter said.

"Yeah but what was that for?" James asked, barely containing his eye roll.

"I don't know..." Remus said quietly.

 **OoOoO**

Sirius waited patiently in the chair the other side of McGonagall's desk as she organised the test papers from the OWLs, then he remembered he had his NEWTs soon. Damn.

"You decided to come then?" She asked, really not that surprised.

"Yeah, I don't know why. It just seemed like I should."

"How was your day, then, Mr Black?" She asked.

"Actually, great. I stayed with my friends for most of it, how about you, Minnie?"

She ignored the nickname, "quite alright. Now, should we talk about the incident two days ago or speak of a more lighter topic?"

"I'm curious, what's it like being a cat animagus?" He asked.

She looked at him suspiciously, "why do you want to know?"

"Well, like, I wanted to know because if you came across other animagi like, say, a dog or a rat... or a stag, would you know that they're animagi or would you think they're just animals."

"I suppose it depends. If they were experienced, they'd know I was an animagus and act like that animal should to make the other oblivious. If they're the same level as me, then no, we wouldn't immediately know."

"If you came across a dog animagus that was in human form and you were in human form too, would you, I don't know, think of them as a natural enemy?" He asked.

"Mr Black animagi aren't really creatures, we're humans. That's like saying that you were a natural enemy to a random student at this school because you're humans."

Sirius got confused, "but Snape is my natural enemy from birth, what does that mean?"

McGonagall wanted to bang her head on the desk, "you both have bad blood because of something that happened during your childhoods, but if my memory serves correct, didn't you used to be friends at one point?" She smiled slyly.

Sirius looked horrified but it was true, "only because he was my age and got along with Bella too! I was five, how could you bring that awful memory back up?"

She just laughed at his dramaticness, "well Sirius, our time is up. Are you coming tomorrow too?"

Sirius thought for a minute then suddenly, "no. I have something important to do, maybe Monday?"

"Of course. Goodnight."

"'Night."

It was the next day in Remus was in agony, he could tell this would be a bad moon.

"One day won't kill you to stay in bed, the teachers would understand." James said and Sirius agreed.

"No, our NEWTs are coming up. I can't risk getting a low score, then I'll never get a job."

"Oh my god Remus one day won't make a difference." Sirius said, worried.

"If you want, I'll even stay with you and... study." He added with a disgusted look.

"Thanks, Sirius." He finally gave in.

The others went to class and Sirius day on the edge of Remus' bed.

"It's not like you won't be able to borrow money from James and Pete and I anyway, you're our friend, in fact most of the time you're my favourite friend. James can be too loud, Peter too quiet..."

Remus smiled, "thanks Siri but... it wouldn't feel right taking money from you lot. It's not- I just, what if I lose you all one day, and I don't have a job, don't have any money..."

"That won't happen-"

"But what if it does!" He snapped, "you don't understand! You try to understand but you can't! Nobody wants a monster to be near them, I was lucky to find you and James and Pete. Not everyone is as accepting as you. It's bad enough that I'd need at least one day off a month, but..." a tear fell from his eye, "not even my parents really want to be near me."

"Remus don't be stupid! They love you."

"I see the fear in my mums eyes whenever I'm around her, and dad thinks that one day I'll end up like Fenrir. My grandparents haven't seen me since I was 9 when they found out what I was, Sirius. You don't get it. At least you have an actual family, even if it's not a great one."

His face was now wet from where he'd smudged the tears on his cheek in an attempt to get them away. All Sirius could do was hug him.

"If you promise not to be mad, I'll tell you something."

"I promise."

He rolled up his sleeve slightly, to see cuts along his arm, some deeper than others. They weren't completely parallel, in fact far from it.

"Not all of these are from the wolf." Sirius looked slightly surprised, then almost almost almost angry, then upset.

"You self-harm? Remus!" He could hear Sirius' voice become thick with the tears threatening to fall. "Re-why?"

"It was long ago, I don't do it anymore. I just, felt like I needed to punish myself. For being what I am."

Sirius engulfed him in the biggest hug ever, "you have to PROMISE me you won't do that ever again. Please, Remus, don't. Ever."

"I-I promise Sirius. So you're not mad?"

"No. I guess not."

Then they studied for the rest of their spare time as if nothing happened.


	6. Crushing

**A/N Remember this is an AU so they have Astronomy in 7th year apparently in this story stahp it**

 **/Thankyou for the fav Airforce1990 and to everyone who followed this story, much appreciated :)/**

 **Chapter 6**

There was a bright light shining in Remus' eyes as he awoke in the hospital wing, his friends asleep in the chairs beside his bed. He swore Sirius had psychic abilities or at least a sixth sense because he woke up when he felt Remus staring at him.

"You're awake, then." He said quietly with a smile.

"I don't remember anything..." was all he said.

It must've been bad if he didn't recall any of it.

"Well, you howled a lot, and screamed. We assumed you were in a lot of pain, you didn't even play with me." Sirius seemed to be offended as a joke, making Remus giggle.

"It feels like my skin is being burned by boiling water then ripped of slowly and painfully. Is that normal?"

"Eh, no. Here, Poppy left a pain relief potion by your bed. It won't do much but it'll help a little."

"Thanks."

They sat in a comfortable silence and eventually both fell asleep, exhausted. The other two woke up a bit later and dragged Sirius back to the dorm with them, savouring the fact that they could have a lay in.

Lily looked at her friends, to her watch, to her friends again. "I'm starting to get worried. The guys are usually up at 7AM and it's already 1PM, they're probably up to something."

"Remus is in the hospital wing, and so were the others this morning. Marlene and I went in because she fell down the stairs," the girls laughed while Marlene was silently wishing for death to strike her in her embarrassment, "they were sleeping by the side of his bed."

"What do you think happened?" Alice asked, scared.

"We were there long enough to hear Rem say that he doesn't remember anything but then Pomfrey got us out of that room quicker than what have you, saying I was fine." Marley explained.

Speak of the devil, though, because just then Sirius entered the common room, head down with a bar of Honeyduke's finest chocolate in his hand.

"Sirius?" Cam asked, and he visibly jumped.

"Ah, girls. Why are you up so early?"

"It's one in the afternoon," Lily deadpanned, "why have you got a bar of chocolate, and why do you look so... tired?"

"Gee, thanks for the compliment. I barely got any sleep last night, neither did the others... er, the chocolate's for Remus. He got..." Sirius tried to think up something that wasn't too revealing, "he fell... down the- um, stairs, but he did it twice, somehow."

"Definitely." Marlene said, blushing as she had actually fell down the stairs.

"Well, I'll see you later I s'pose. Bye ladies." He said and gracefully walked out of the common room.

"Those boys," Lily shook her head.

Sirius arrived to the hospital wing to see Remus up and well. His face lit up at what was in Sirius' hand.

"Is that..."

"For you? Yes." Sirius grinned, "but you have to give me a bit, I bought it of course."

"Fine." He rolled his eyes.

 **OoOoO**

The next day Remus was out of the hospital wing and near enough back to normal. The pain had subsided for the time being and he was grateful. The girls had asked questions as to why he was in the hospital wing but he said the same thing as Sirius, 'I fell down the stairs'. They looked skeptical but said nothing.

Astronomy was the one class that Sirius didn't have with one of the other Marauders, but he did have it with Dorcas and Marlene. It was a Wednesday and midnight, so it was technically Thursday, but Sirius was tired. Dorcas hadn't came to this class, though, because she's forgotten and fell asleep, making their Professor, Professor Auburn, quite disgruntled.

"This class is ridiculous," Sirius thought no one had heard but he was wrong.

"Too right." Agreed Marlene, smiling at him.

"Why did we even take this class? I'm tired." He complained.

"Because we're secretly very ridiculous on the inside. Anyway we can go back in like 5 minutes, stop being a baby ass." She grinned at him.

He rolled his eyes, "not a baby ass," he mumbled, causing her to laugh.

While they were heading back to Gryffindor Tower, Sirius couldn't help but glance at Marlene. Even in the dark she looked amazing. Her smile could light up the eternal darkness in Voldemort's heart, well, maybe that was a bit of an exaggeration as that's impossible, but still.

"What?"

"Hm?" He raised an eyebrow.

"You keep looking at me." She said.

"Oh, uh, you have something on your face, here, let me get it off." He made up.

She turned to face him then huffed, "you could've told me earlier, y'know."

But he ignored her. He placed a hand on the side of her face, taking too long to wipe off the imaginary piece of dirt on her face. Her skin was silky smooth without any foundation on, and Sirius would admit he was a little jealous. He looked straight into her eyes, noticing the bright green-blue mixed in with some hazel. His metallic gray ones couldn't compete with them, at least that's what he thought. He quickly looked somewhere else, thanking the darkness for hiding his blush.

"It's gone, piece of dirt I think." He said quietly.

"Lovely. Well, thanks." She sighed.

I don't like her, I just appreciate her good looks and personality... he thought to himself, shaking his head to clear it, it's not like she'd ever like me back anyway.

 **OoOoO**

Sirius sighed to himself for, as James counted, the fifth time during Charms.

"Sirius, what's wrong?"

"Why would you think there's something wrong?" He asked back, almost defensively.

"Because that's the fifth time you've went sighhhh this lesson."

"I keep thinking about... someone, to do with something." He said vaguely.

"Who? What?"

"I'm not going to tell you because, well, it's stupid anyways."

"Sirius-"

"Mr Potter, Mr Black, care to tell the class what you are talking about?"

"No, Professor." They said quickly in unison.

"If I hear anymore whispering, you will be serving detention tonight."

"Yes, Professor."

Sirius just wanted this lesson to be over. It was far from interesting, in fact, he was pretty much bored to tears. James nudged him and handed him a note.

 _He didn't say anything about no note passing -J_

 _You have a point, Mr Prongs -S_

 _Want to tell me who the person on your mind is? -J_

 _No -S_

 _Come onnnnn I won't tell anyone -J_

 _It's not that, it's just every time I have an interaction with that person, you'll be there and it will make me all awkward and stuff -S_

 _Is it Remus -J_

 _Wtf James no, he's my friend, I wouldn't date him, no offense to Remus of course -S_

 _Ah, so it is a crush -J_

 _...shit -S_

 _Who is it? I won't tell a single soul until you're dating -J_

 _Well, her eyes are blue and green and hazel, that's the only hint you're getting -S_

 _How am I supposed to know who that is?! -J_

 _Tough luck mate -S_

James took the piece of paper and ripped it multiple times to shreds and then threw it away, leaving no evidence of that conversation happening, for Sirius' sake. Everyone would go mental if they found out he had a crush. Sirius' mind drifted back to Marlene. Maybe he did have a crush after all. A small smile found its way on his face as he rested his head in his hand.

The day went quite fast, and Sirius couldn't help but realise that this year would end sooner than everyone wanted and they would no longer be protected by the wards around Hogwarts. He sat down on the side of the lake with his legs crossed, leaning back on his arms. He sighed for the 23rd time that day.

"What's up, Sirius?" Lily sad as she sat next to him, an annoyed aura surrounding her.

"Oh, hi Lily, nothing much, just, were nearly going home for Christmas now, like, where did the time go?"

"I know, it's terrible. When I was in first year, I wanted to leave school there and then, but now I'm about to, I want to be back in first year. Anyway, I know there's more on your mind than just that, you've been off since the weekend. What's wrong?"

He looked down, he could trust Lily, right?

"You have to promise not to tell anyone else, I've already told James more than he should know, I just wanted to keep this private until I got everything sorted, y'know, but I feel like... you can be trusted." He said, and continued when he knew she was listening, "I think I have a crush on someone. It's a proper crush, last year was awful when it came to me and, you know. I dated half the school, I didn't do anything mind you, just kiss and-"

"You're getting off track." She said politely.

"Oh yeah, sorry. Anyway, I think I have a crush. Like, I wouldn't mind spending my entire life with her, but I don't think she'd like me back."

"Do you wanna tell me who it is? I won't tell her. I have a feeling I might know anyway." She smiled.

"Who do you think it is?"

"Correct me if I'm wrong, but it's Marlene, isn't it?"

He didn't even seem shocked, "you have to teach me your ways, Lily. I have a psychic friend." He mused.

"You look at her a lot, when you look at her it sort of reminds me of how James looks at me when he thinks I'm not looking. You just have that look in your eyes. I'll put it this way, you have to treat my best friend right or your dead to me, okay?"

"Back to you, Evans." He said, continuing with their banter.


	7. Is Lily Okay?

**A/N this chapter is gonna be a hit or miss, longer than usual. I can't help it I just love writing fsr :) in my eyes this book has already sort of failed, I have this low level anxiety but I think that that's why I can't read my work back and not cringe... it's kind of weird idk, ANYWAYS I hope _you_ enjoy this story because I've spent a while honking it all up :)**

 **WARNINGS: just cuteness and a bit of cringe idk, this is basically the train ride, also Sirius gets like drunk sort of heh also they enter the spiritual world it's kinda scary not really I'm sorry I can't explain things good.**

 **Chapter 7**

Snow was covering the grounds of Hogwarts, a thick layer of crunchy whiteness. The lake was basically frozen over, it was the first time they'd had proper winter weather since 4th year. The group of Marauders and their girl friends made their way outside to get some fresh air. They sat under the tree where the leaves had stopped snow from getting around the base of it, so they wouldn't look like they'd wet themselves when they stood up.

"Remind me why you dragged us out here again? It's too cold to be out here," Sirius muttered, wrapping his arms around his legs and blowing hot air onto his knees.

"Stop being a drama queen." James said with a roll of his eyes.

"Sirius is right James, this idea was stupid." Marlene said, mimicking Sirius' actions.

"It's not stupid! If we stay out here then we can just appreciate the snow." He said, his voice trailing off as he saw the glares from all of his friends for him making them cold, "and on second thought, I agree with you guys, it was kinda stupid, hehe..."

Sirius found himself shivering. _Weird, I can usually take the cold._ He brushed it off, maybe it was just exceptionally freezing. He glanced over at James, trying to explain himself out of a stern telling off from the rest of the group, and saw his vision was slow. He saw two James' before he focused properly. _Maybe this is the opposite of a heat stroke..._

"Hey Remus?" Sirius asked, trying to not attract the attention of others.

"Yeah?"

"I think I've accidentally eaten a weed brownie, or- or something." He looked to his left, trying to think of what else it could've been, "or, I'm freezing, literally."

Remus looked a tad worried, "maybe we should get inside, your coffee might've been spiked earlier."

"This happens every time I drink a coffee, jeez." He lulled his head back and looked up at the bright blue sky, a few white fluffy clouds looking very comfy.

"Imagine laying on a cloud..."

"I have concluded that your coffee was spiked." Remus said as he dragged Sirius inside.

"Hey! Where are you two going?" James asked, mock offended his friends left him.

"I'm pretty sure Sirius is high-"

"Irresponsible child." James tutted.

"So we might be back out, but I'm not sure."

"Well, see ya," Cam said finally, before turning back to Lily, James, Peter and Marlene.

Alice, Dorcas and Mary decided they'd go inside too.

As they were walking back to the common room, Sirius stopped. Remus looked at him.

"Oi!" He waved a hand infront of his face.

He could see Remus' figure slowly get blurry, then everything faded to black. He saw a shadow, but it was white. It was sort of shaped like... well, it looked like an old bald guy, with a crooked wand in his hand, he couldn't make anything else out seeing as it was just a shadow. _Who are you_ , he asked. He heard somebody mutter, _fall_. He did as they said, and as he did everything was gone. His consciousness, the shadow, his senses, he was just, floating.

His body was falling to the ground and Remus caught him just before he hit the floor.

"Alright, were definitely making a stop at the hospital wing."

A few spells and potions later and Sirius was basically back to normal. He awoke to a bright light shining in his eyes before a potion was shoved in his hand. The last thing he could remember was seeing a blurry James and thinking he was on weed or some drug.

"Drink this, it will cure any aching or pain you have."

He did as he was told, then asked Remus, "what happened?"

"Well, er, you just stopped. You asked 'Who are you?' And then just fell to the floor..." he explained.

"I don't remember any of that..." he said quietly.

All he remembered was that weird, white shadow.

"Well of course you wouldn't have, somebody had spiked your drink, that's all. Simple." Poppy said easily, "now you're free to leave."

 **OoOoO**

"Well that was interesting, seeing as nothing has really happened since like 2 weeks ago."

"Speaking of nothing happening, there hasn't been an attack for a while. What do you think they're planning?" Remus asked skeptically.

"I'm... not sure."

 _Why did it tell me to fall? It felt like I died, I felt nothing._ Sirius kept thinking.

 _Fall_

 _Fall_

 _Maybe something or someone will fall soon,_ Sirius' thoughts were cut off.

"Do you think Holly really deserved to die?" Remus asked, "I mean, she was amazing, but she had a dark past-"

"Remus, I had a dark past too, and look at me now. I hate the old me, so did Holly. Do you think I deserve to die?"

"Well, the old you did, thankfully."

"Exactly. Holly didn't deserve to die. Besides, she was brainwashed by death eaters back then, her real family loved her. Why are we talking about this, anyway? We have a holiday coming up! No time to be sad!"

"Molly's pretty upset. It's her first Christmas without the twins..."

"Of course she'd be upset."

They drifted into a comfortable silence, which was broken by the commotion in the common room. There were broken pieces of Merlin knows what all over the floor, there were decorations sloppily hung up, the majority of the house was crowded into the small room, it was chaos.

"James Potter if you get anymore mistletoe stuck in my hair, you're dead to me!" Lily yelled, but it was barely heard by said boy as the noise got seemingly louder.

But a scream that echoed eerily throughout the tower silenced everyone.

"Now that everybody's quiet," Marlene seethed, "can we keep it that way? It's one thing to throw a whole bottle of _open_ fire whiskey in the air and for it to conveniently go all over me and- uh, Peter, but it's another thing to give me a headache from shouting the fucking place down."

There were a few cheers but for the majority of the time they stayed pretty quiet. Everyone had forgotten how Marlene hated crowded areas. One night she had even said to Lily 'you never know who's lurking in a crowd of strangers,' was something her aunt told her.

 **OoOoO**

Everyone was packed and ready to go home, Sirius was excited for once because he got to stay at James' instead of having to dread going back to real home. Peter was going to go on holiday for the majority of the holiday and couldn't meet any of them, so he'd have to wait until school started again. Mary's family was going to go with Peter's, but she didn't want to go, so hopefully she could come up with an excuse to stay at Alice's or Cam's house.

"Marlene, I- I have to talk to you, alone." Peter said, and although they were already alone, there needed to be nobody else around so he wouldn't get distracted and stutter even more.

"I- I have to say this now, before I don't see you for weeks. I like you, m-more than a friend..."

She looked surprised for a moment, then as if she felt sorry for him, and trust did Peter know that look. "I'm sorry, Peter. But, I don't feel the same... no hard feelings?" She said as sweetly as possible.

"O-oh... Merlin-"

"Peter, it's fine. I reject guys all the time, you're not the first, and definitely not the last. If it makes you feel better, I know someone who does want to date you."

"Who?" He asked excitedly.

"Ah, Ah, ahh. You'll have to find that one out yourself."

As everyone boarded the train finally, the group found a carriage almost immediately. Sirius sat down first, choosing a seat by the window, as always. Marlene sat beside him, James sat opposite him with Lily beside him, Remus beside Lily with Dorcas beside him and Peter beside Marlene. Mary, Alice and Cam had all squished in somehow.

Sirius was bored so he decided to observe. He looked at James and Lily, first. How he gently had his hand resting on her thigh and her hand resting on his. The way they looked completely in love as they stared into each others eyes. Sirius wished that he could have a girl like that, but yet here he was, not getting a girl because he couldn't keep one for more than 5 minutes. He wished he wasn't just some bachelor boy who was yet to have his 'first time' because he wanted it to be special although deep down he knew there would never be someone 'special' for him because that's all he is, the bachelor boy.

"Hey," Marlene said softly, "you look upset. What's on your mind?"

He snapped out of his thoughts and looked around, all their private conversation was blocked out by the others because of the sound of the train moving along.

"Do you think there will ever be anyone out there for me who doesn't just stick around for the _fun_... they actually care." He asked.

"There's someone out there for everybody. Maybe you're really close to them right now and you don't know it," she sighed, "or maybe they're all the way in Australia, who knows."

"Do you think you'll ever find someone?"

"Sirius, I've rejected so many guys I have a reputation. So if I do end up finding someone, it definitely won't be soon. The guy who I like probably doesn't like me back anyway, and he's the only reason I've rejected the others."

"Who do you like?" He asked hopefully, wishing she'd answer with his name.

"I can't tell you that one, I'll tell you if we ever end up together."

"Okay."

He felt tired all of a sudden, it was like a wave of exhaustion just hit him right in the face. He later his head on Marley's shoulder, and she sighed.

"Do you mind?" She asked.

"'M tired."

She rolled her eyes even though he couldn't see it. Peter was staring at them, they were oblivious to it. Why couldn't he be that close to a girl? A few moments pass and he looks away, deciding to read a book as best he can. He wanted to be Sirius in that moment, but he was nowhere near that level of confidence and goodlooks.

Sirius had eventually fell asleep, still on Marlene's shoulder.

 _Sirius found himself in that same dark place again, except this time he wasn't floating, and the white shadow looked like a woman. He got closer and saw a few of her over-brightened features, the light hitting her face hard. Her eyes were a bright green, similar. Her hair, shiny, red. It was catching the light like a diamond, and second thought, where was the light_ coming _from? Her eyes looked down at him, but her body seemed paralyzed._

 _"Who are you?" He asked quietly, reaching to touch her face._

 _He was electric shocked as soon as his hand came into contact with her, so he yanked his hand back and stared at her. She was taller than him, but only by a little. She looked so familiar, then he realized who it was. Her eyes turned sad, but her small smile betrayed that look. Her head, slowly, creaked downwards to face him fully._

 _"Sirius, the future, there's not a lot of time. You need to save yourself, before you get trapped in that... prison." She whispered._

 _The woman who looked strangely like Lily went to grab him, hug him, but she stopped. Why? He didn't know._

 _"Go, run!" She croaked out, and her body fell limp into the arms of what looked like a ghost. Evil._

 _Her eyes rolled to the back of her head and started bleeding. The demon-like thing stuck it's pointy shard-like finger into her chest, she looked... dead._

 _"What are you?" He whispered disgustedly._

 _"Take a guess." It's smile was too wide, it literally almost reached its ears, "oh, and before you leave, I think you better find your friend here," it signaled at the woman in his grasp, "before it's too late."_

 _It cackled._

 _Then it lunged at him._

He jumped as he awoke, successfully frightening Marlene.

"What? What's wrong?" She asked, and the others looked at him.

"James..." he said slowly, "where's Lily?"

"Wha? Why?" He asked, confused.

"Where is Lily." He said it louder this time.

"She just went to use the toilet, she'll be back any second now-"

"Go find her." Sirius said and stood up, "I think something happened."

The others looked at him as if he was crazy.

"Mate, I think you're still high-" Remus started but was ignored as Sirius ran out of the door, dragging James with him.

"He's mental, that one." Marlene shook her head exasperatedly.

Sirius ran and ran, but Lily was nowhere to be found.

"Sirius!" James almost yelled, "tell me! What's wrong?! Where's Lily? What- what happened..."

"James, this dream I had, it was more than a dream, it was like an out of body experience. We have to find her _now_!"

James panicked, "if this is all for nothing and it really was just a dream you are so dead."

They found themselves at one of the few compartments that nobody had sat in. And there Lily was, lead on the seats with a peaceful expression on her face. Her eyes were open in slits, but all you could see was the whites of them. And there Sirius spotted, was a patch of blood on her chest.

"What do we do?" James said in a thick voice, tears streaming down his cheeks.

Sirius knelt by James and looked at Lily, he held a finger under her nose.

"She's breathing, I'll get some tissue to stop the blood." He said quietly, mortified.

James stayed there and held her hand, "you're going to be okay," he chanted.

He wanted to tell someone that Lily wasn't okay and needed medical attention, but he was sure Sirius knew what he was doing. He had to know, right? He came back and placed the tissue where the blood was.

"You tell me right now what that dream was, Sirius." He whispered.

"Okay... well, I went to another place, it was dark. Lily was there, but she said something about saving me from a prison or whatnot, then this ghost- no, demon, grabbed her and... James you should've seen it, his fingers were more bony than mother's, and his nails were like claws... he stuck it right in Lil's chest, right where that..."

"What the fuck, this is mad, this is so fucking mad." James said quietly, then, "we have to tell someone!"

"No!" Sirius said quickly, "we have to wait. Something tells me that... we need to wait, the presence of that _thing_ is still in the air. I don't want it to be angry, it might hurt Lily again. In fact, we might have to wait until, no, actually..." Sirius contemplated what to do.

"Sirius!"

"Okay, okay, we get her out of this room." He said quickly, looking around.

He heard a whisper, _won_ _tuo teg_. Was it another language? Or backwards? He didn't care. He had to get Lily out of this place. Now.

"James, get her out, quick! I'll try and lock the compartment door."

"What took you guys so long..." Marlene trailed off when she saw her best friend, limp, "whaT HAPPENED?!"

"I don't know, we found her-"

"Put her down!" Remus said, "is she breathing?"

While they panicked and fawned over her, Lily saw it all. She was outside of her body.

"James?" She asked, "Marlene?"

But they didn't hear her, it was as if she was a ghost.

 _Enter your body, Lily_. A voice told her. She jumped, who was that? Then she looked behind her, it looked like a ghoul. She'd read about them in an ancient book. Ghouls feed off of fear

 _Very smart, young girl_.

She wasted no time in entering herself again, that thing scared her.

As her eyes slowly opened, everyone was relieved. She felt like she had a migraine.

"What... what's wrong? I'm awake now, aren't I?"

"You had us so _worried_ , Lily!" James said quietly but his voice held so much emotion that she felt like crying.

"I'm sorry..."

"Don't be sorry," Sirius said, "it isn't your fault that it, I mean, that you were unconscious..."

She told her parents what had happened later that day, and she was surprised to see that they themselves _weren't_ surprised. In fact, they looked at her in an almost understanding way. They looked upset, like she wasn't supposed to know about what had happened to her.

"Oh Lily, we were so afraid of this happening to you..." her dad said.

"What- wait, you mean, you knew this would happen?"

"Well, no, not exactly, listen. Let me tell you about your great grandma Lorienne Xanders. She was a girl, in fact, in her old photos we found she looked exactly like you. She was special. She could enter a new world where monsters exist. But she could only do that if she were to be calmed into a deep sleep. Lily, what happened?" Her dad asked.

"A thing came up to me in the corridors, it said it wanted me to be happy. It wanted to talk to me, and as it was talking, I fell asleep. When I woke up, the thing that had talked to me was really a ghoul, and... Mum, Dad... why me?"

Her parents looked hopeless.

 **OKAY OKAY I DONT KNOW IF THIS IS GOOD OR NOT BUT I FELT REALLY INSPIRED TO WRITE SOMETHING LIKE THIS AIGHT AND THANKS FOR READING AND STUFF I APPRECIATE IT LOADS!!!**


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